What’s your conflict style?
Did you know that the average U.S. employee spends 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict in the workplace? As a mediator, I often see people spending these 2.8 hours complaining about their colleagues or supervisors, having the “meeting after the meeting” to share what they really think, or agonizing over how to word an email so they don’t set someone off. I want to challenge you today to use those 2.8 hours more constructively and invest some time (like you’re doing now) into learning some skills to navigate conflict. If you do, you’ll be ahead of most others in the U.S., only 44% of whom have had training in conflict skills.
Here is your quick conflict skills training tip for today: figure out your default conflict style(s), then check out the other styles so you can flex your default style(s) when needed.
It is amazing how simple awareness often causes immediate behavioral change. Start by asking yourself this question: in your workplace, when you encounter conflict or difficulties, how do you tend to respond? When you have a colleague who often interrupts you during meetings, for example, or a direct report who missed yet another deadline, or a manager who is unresponsive to urgent emails. How do you normally respond?
The most widely used conflict management tool -- the Thomas Kilmann conflict mode Instrument (TKI® assessment) -- introduces five conflict styles:
Competing (power-oriented; goal is to win)
Collaborating (assertive and cooperative; goal is to find a win-win solution)
Compromising (expedient, goal is to find a middle ground)
Avoiding (unassertive and uncooperative; goal is to delay)
Accommodating (concerned with others’ needs; goal is to yield)
All of us have one or two top conflict styles we tend to use automatically when facing conflict, based on our personality and background. My autopilot style is Avoiding or Accommodating, because I value harmony in relationships so much and tend to fear rocking the boat (yes, even as a professional mediator). This can be a good approach at times, when it’s not a huge or urgent issue. However, sometimes I need to flex my style and try out a more assertive approach like Competing or Collaborating, depending on who I’m dealing with and the situation.
The key thing to remember is this: There is not one right style for every situation. Each style, applied in the right context, will help channel conflict into a meaningful outcome.
When you find out your top two styles, as well as your bottom three, I suspect you will immediately start handling conflict more constructively -- merely by discovering and becoming more aware of them. You will also start to better understand others’ responses to you during conflict. Think of the TKI® as a toolkit with five different tools you can choose from when facing tough situations and people.
Take the quiz: Start with awareness of your top conflict styles. Here is a quick free quiz based on the TKI® (5-10 min), or if you prefer, here is the actual $50 TKI® assessment (20 min).
Reflect: Which of the conflict styles might you want to strengthen? Think of someone you have been in conflict with recently; which conflict style did they use? Which one did you use?
At Begin Development, many of the leaders we work with seek out coaching in this area so they can more confidently utilize a variety of conflict styles to navigate challenges in the workplace. If you’re also looking to level up your confidence in this area, feel free to click here for a free coaching consultation.
Written by Corrie Napier, Principal Consultant
Sources:
CPP, Inc. Global Human Capital Report
https://www.themyersbriggs.com/en-US
https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument-tki/
